pump, pump the jams, pump it up, a little louder

 first and foremost, please take in all that the amazingness is from the above.

second, what's up party people! i know that i said i would be back more often, but then i wasn't. and that made me a tease.

guess what? deal with it.

anyway, i am back and on the path to enlightenment or whatever and i figured i would start with something super trivial and fun to make it super easy to draw you back into my web of lies and despair. and what's the best way to do that? by telling you about the awesome work out songs that i jam out to at the gym.

so i've been to the gym TWICE in a week - which sadly is a big deal for me these days as my life has been bonkers - and i realized that i'm not your normal cardio enthusiast. one reason is because i hate being at the gym. the second is that i find myself getting lost in the groove way too easily. i sing along silently (i think), have hand movements that come dangerously close to the people next to me and an ass shake that frankly, just won't quit. so what i'm saying is that i'm a fucking gem. and i also have some awesome music spinning to keep me motivated when i don't want to be there.

willow understands what i'm talking about.

since i am nothing if not a giver (lies!), i figured i'd share some of my go-tos to get the blood pumping. and note, this is just a few, as my gym playlist is over 80 songs long. just in case i decide that i want to stay longer. not that i ever do.

1. Beyonce.  obvi. so this is not as much of a song suggestion, but merely a genre in itself that makes you want to run walk faster because the beat is so damn good. plus, her body is slammin, so that's got to be a sign she's doing something right with the music, right?
spin this shit: crazy in love, run the world (girls), get me bodied

this is also what i say when asked why i don't go to the gym as much as i should.

2. angry music. i like to consider myself an upbeat person most of the time. but there is nothing more motivating for me than the idea that i'm getting back at someone who wrong me. just like my girl mindy kaling (she doesn't know she's my girl. yet.), i have revenge fantasies and they come to full life when i'm at the gym. and if i'm to believe pinterest, the best revenge is living well, so i better start jogging on that treadmill to make the haters pay.
spin this shit: you oughta know by alanis morrissette, since you've been gone by kelly clarkson, fighter by christina aguilera, survivor by destiny's child (more bey!), i don't need a man by the pussycat dolls (whatever, it's fine).

fat amy is my spirit animal.

3. guilty pleasures. there's nothing like your secret shame songs to get you going. the people around you may judge your choices, but damn you have a smile on your face as you up the incline.
spin this shit: spice up your life by the spice girls, we got the beat glee version, independent women by destiny's child (bey FOREVER), let's be bad from SMASH, whipped into shape from legally blonde the musical (if they can jumprope to this on stage, i can jog for this bad boy).




4. unexpected songs. when i think of the black keys, i think of laid back tunes that i can listen to all day. not of sports bras and gatorade. yet, some of their stuff is lovely on a workout playlist, especially if it helps you change your pace and make your body adjust. break up the monotony of the routine with some stuff that's different from the usual bumping bass to make things interesting.
spin this shit: gold on the ceiling by the black keys, lover of the light by mumford and sons, black sheep by gin wigmore, stone cold sober by paloma faith

built in squat workout!

5. your favorite songs. i mean, this is a duh, obvi. if you love a song, you'll want to move to it, sing to it, everything to it. plus, it should make you happy to hear it that you'll forget about the pain you're currently in from doing 40 squats in a row.
spin this shit: move along by all american rejects, dog days are over by florence + the machine, dammit by blink 182, mr. brightside by the killers, i hate myself for loving you by joan jett


finally, i will leave you with my two ALL TIME workout songs that are guaranteed to make you just fucking GO for a few minutes:

monkey wrench by the foo fighters. dave growl is my ugly sexy and he can really do no wrong in my eyes. at the end of this song when you hear about "one last thing before i quit," you can't quit. i once sprinted at an 8 (a huge deal guys) to this because i HAD to.




BoB (bombs over baghdad) by outkast. this song kicks you in the face from the start and never stops. it's particularly good for cycling or running or generally losing your breath because you want to try and keep up with them - which you can't - while trying to remember all the words - which you also can't do.  it's the song that doesn't give you any other choice than hustle.




and that, my friends, is it. i'm heading to the gym now with my playlist geared up for a tough night sweating it out, but if i missed one of your favorites, send it my way so that i can add it to my list.

also so that i can sing it loudly. off-key.

i definitely wouldn't survive prison.

writer's note: this draft has been sitting in my queue for over a month. just pretend it's recent.

i'm sure you're all reading the subject line and are thinking, what the fuck did betsy get up to recently? did she FINALLY become the madam to a high-class hooker scheme that she's been yammering about for years? aside: it's a great fucking idea. it's for women and includes 1,000 count egyptian cotton sheets and a mandatory 15 minutes of cuddle time at the end. because no one needs more than 15 minutes of cuddling. i could be a RICH bitch. end aside. did she get caught popping a squat in public? did she try and snuggle a police dog?

the answer to all of your questions is no, i was actually rather well behaved, thankyouverymuch.

but rather, i started (and finished, since writing the beginning of this post 3 weeks ago a month and 3 weeks ago) watching orange is the new black and it is awesome. and also brought up a bunch of questions about whether or not i would survive jail and how well i would do there. let's set the (original) scene, shall we?

open to sunday morning with three girls who have had a bit too much to drink the night before sitting in a lovely nyc apartment:
betsy: wearing leggings as pants and may still be drunk from the night before
meri: wearing actual pants and threatened to puke on betsy's face the night before. she took it back the next morning.
nicole: wearing her workout finest in preparation for a long day of eating and netflix streaming

so now that you know who was there and what we were wearing, let's get into the many reasons why i would fail at prison and thus should never try:

• while meri thought that she would align with people in power strategically, i contemplated if i would need to take a bitch, as i am obviously too small of an actual human to be bitch. i mean, science is science.
• then i realized that i never want to take a bitch. neither does nicole. however, meredith has basically figured out how to thrive in prison. and she's proud of it. it makes me wonder how we're friends.* 
• the transgendered inmate who is ALL SORTS OF FABULOUS had to wear homemade duct tape sandals for the shower because they don't make shoes in her size. as a fellow bigfoot, i know that i'm not crafty enough to make those fo myself. and then not only would i be stuck in prison, but i'd also have foot fungus. 
• when they check you into prison, they make you spread your buttcheeks to check for drugs or weapons. if that doesn't say scarred for life, i'm not sure what does. 
• one tv for 20+ prisoners. and no guarantee that i could watch the barefoot contessa make something with browned butter when i wanted to. and that is the TRUE tragedy here.
• when someone gets sent into solitary, i said that i would sleep the entre time. meredith said that she would just do pushups and situps and "get buff" so that she could be prepared when she came out afterward. hence why she would survive prison and i would die.

so there are about a thousand more reasons on why prison and i do not make for a good fit. (no donuts unles you're really good. zero privacy. mythical chickens that make everyone crazy.) so i guess that high-class hooker scheme is on hold for a while guys. sorry.

*note: meredith also has a plan to survive this apocalyptic wave that is apparently going to submerge the entire east coast that involves running to the mountains on foot, because you can't get out of the city efficiently. she's probably smart for planning. i am probably dead for not planning. yet i still refuse to make a plan to evacutate. seriously, how are we friends?

don't call it a comeback

well hello my friends, it's been a long time since we've last spoken. and i've fallen off the wagon. the blogging wagon that is. also, the being healthy wagon too. i've been indulging in a bit of napping, and eating,  and drinking. and by a it, i obvi mean a lot.

and i know that i wrote a few weeks ago that i was coming back. and then i didn't. because i kept finding a reason not to. also, my computer that i have at home wasn't working and i refused to stay late at work just to write to all of you fictional readers. (see what i mean about reasons?) but that's all chnged now - i bought a keyboard for my ipad and it's fucking awesome. i mean, right now, i'm sitting on my couch with my ipad leaning against the wall and the keypad is in my lap while i watch bad tv.

but back to the matter at hand: my be a better person goal. which is still very much alive, despite the fact that i've neglected it multiple times lately. and in the past few days, i've felt a renewed spirit towards it. i think i've been waiting for something big to happen before i follow through, making it easier to start a new life pattern. you know, like, oh, once i get these new running shoes, i'll work out in the morning. or, i'm just going to order in tonight because i'm exhausted but i'll be back to cooking tomorrow. and the cycle continues. i'm sure you've heard me say this before.

anyways. i actually saw something today that made me even more aware of my lack of dedication. i was in the bronx (gasp!) at my volleyball tournament and there was a young girl that could not sit still and watch her mom play. i was a similar kind of kid. but she kept throwing trick after trick of cartwheels, roundoffs, handsprings - you named it, she was doing it. and well. it was impressive. THEN she starts peppering (it's a volleyball thing and i can't really explain the phrasing) with her mom and it was equally impressive. but even after her mom went to play, she just kept practicing. becaise she wanted to get better. and i was so. so. jealous! that i have forgotten what it's like to want to be the best. and then i remmbered that i do want to be the best - the best me. and i can't just keep taking the easy way out.

so i have decided that i am done living my half-ish life that i've got accustomed to and am starting anew. again. i need to look at my choices and be better. if i know i'm going to work late, i should go to the gym in the morning. and actually get up when my alarm goes off. if i know that i won't want to make dinner, i should suck it up and eat a lean uisine that has probably been in my freezer since i've meved in. basically, i need to be a functioning grownup for the first time in my life.

i'm hopeful but cautious. i can do this. as long as i don't get in my own way.

don't you, forget about me.

hi fake internet friends!

it's been so long, so i'm not sure if you remember me. my name is betsy and i have LOTS of stuff wrong with me that i'm trying to fix in extreme baby steps. ring a bell? great.

i have about 3 half written posts that are waiting for me to finish them, if it makes the fact that i haven't posted in a month any better. probably not but you never know.

i am turning over a new leaf and i promise to update again soon and with LOTS of fun stories (mud runs! fire island! how to survive prison!) but for now, it's time to go to bed so that i can wake up and go do 6am spin.

see, i am still trying to better myself? maybe not all hope is lost yet.

yet being the key word.

i want ALL the color

so last sunday i did a color run with my dear friend meredith. you know meredith, the one who runs marathons? just the friend you want next to you when doing a 5K that you haven't even thought about training for.

but let's start at the very beginning. it's a very good place to start.




that song is awesome and you should totally stream it as you read the rest of this post.

anyway, a few months ago when i thought i might want to become a "runner" i signed up for a few themed races that i thought would make me excited about jogging. (spoiler alert: it didn't) including a mud run in two weeks and a color run that happened this past sunday. i encouraged others to join so i wouldn't look like a complete asshole alone. meredith took me up on the color run and that was that.

so a week ago, we realized the "race" was around the corner and needed to make plans to head to - gasp - new jersey. yep, this race required me to leave manhattan proper and if you know me or ANYTHING about me, you know that this is NOT something that pleases me. i figured out that there was a bus that dropped us off at the race site, but in order to make sure we arrived on time, we had to board a bus at port authority (aka the scourge of the earth) at 6:50. AM. as in ANTE MERIDIEM. which means that i had to be up before 6 am. this was going to suck.

somehow, we managed to get bagels, bus tickets and coffee and in line early enough that we could get seats and head out to jersey. dressed in white tanks, white hats and shorts, we were ready for "all the color."

we got out there, checked in and received our free sunglasses and realized that our heat wasn't for over an hour. since i am not a patient person by nature (meredith is a bit better), we obviously just got into the starting ranks as early as we could because we could tell there was no checking to see who was where. music was going, people were jumping, we were ready to run.

if you know me, it should come to no surprise to you that other than the first 3 minutes of the race, there was no running to be had. just simply had to beat out the slow walkers so i wouldn't start punching people to get moving. the course was lacking: it was a parking lot. with cones separating the field. not much scenery. but there were color stations throughout the course where volunteers would either shoot you with colored water or throw dyed cornstarch at you and give you a very "pollock" look. the first station we encountered was yellow colored water, so mere and i spent the first 5 minutes of the race discussing how we looked like we got peed on. #classy. luckily, pink was after that and then we were full on tye-died from the point forward, as you can see below:

finishers.

strength, we've got it. "borrowed" from the official site

bad boys fo' life. 

going through the color station and PUMPED

though it was fun, color runs don't impress us. (not much does)

meredith happened to be at the exact height of where everyone throws the color at, so she was legit pink in the face. me? not so much.

the irony of this is that the only real running we did was to the bus after the race was over. during the ride home, we realized that color was EVERYWHERE. and while originally we wanted all the color, when i was in the shower, i realized i was wrong. my stomach and underarms were stained pink through tuesday. good thing pink is great on me.

overall, i may do a color "run" again, but i'd need a better location. while mere and i wrote an EXCELLENT song called "walking through a parking lot," there was little other inspirational points in the course. the color was fun, until shower time, and the live music was a nice incentive.

i'll review the mud run after i take part in it in a few weeks, but don't be shocked if the review is messy. get it? GET IT?

betsy's book club of one: freedom

i actually finished this book about 2 weeks ago, but i wasn't sure how i felt about it enough to give a review. and i'm not sure that i still am, but dammit, i'm going to try.

it is rare that i leave a book basically hating all of the lead characters. seriously. if the book had ended with a drive by shooting that took out the berglund clan and richard as collateral, i would've supported it one hundred percent. i will say that it is a testament to franzen's writing that i have such strong feelings, because it's better to make someone feel ANYTHING strongly than to have indifference.

but given the state of pop culture, can i really be surprised with the anti-heroism in the book? look at don draper, walter white, nicholas brody. all characters we love to hate. and franzen is at the top of his game when writing patty berglund.

i wanted to root for patty. i really did. a strong woman who excelled in high school athletics who ends up with two kids and a loving husband? basically my life and my dreams. well, my dreams until i realized i might not be the marrying or parenting kind (disregard that, mom). but there is something about patty that makes my blood boil. i get that she had a rough life growing up, but i don't understand some of the choices she makes. maybe she's more complex than me. maybe i am just not grown up enough for it. but either way, i spent half of the book thinking, "stop being a bitch and get your shit back together, lady!"

sadly, there's not much more that i really want to say about the book other than i got through it. in fact, after i finished it, i read two books in the following week that i loved so much more. one is a series i like and the other you should all go out immediately read because it is beautiful and sad and happy at the same time. it's called calling me home by julie kibler and you have to invest your time in it immediately.

now i'm on to grapes of wrath, which has been a goal of mine to read for the past 10 years or so. when i picked up my copy that i've owned that long, i found this note as a bookmark:

game on, steinbeck.

rule #76: no excuses. play like a champion.

i read something this weekend and it's helping me start a new mantra for the next few months, so obviously, it's going to start with me telling you all about it.

it all began when i signed up for this thing called the listserve just over a year ago. do you know what the listserve is? basically it's a massive email database where a random lottery picks a reader to write a message to more than 23,000 people across the globe. here, watch a short video:

i like the idea of being able to read random people's thoughts, so naturally i signed up. plus, i'm just narcissistic enough to want to get picked and impart my wisdom (or more likely, list of favorite backstreet boys songs) with the world.

every day i get a notice in my inbox - actually into a custom folder that screens it because gmail is awesome - and i see what advice, stories, poems, recipes or thoughts people have to share. and then even better part is that there are no web links allowed, so no one is pimping their products.

yesterday, i logged on to read the past few days worth and one actually had something more than "live moment to the fullest" crap that i see somewhat often. the message was from samantha in wisconsin and it was simple: no regrets.

wedding crashers: always ahead of the curve.

as i was reading through it, i realized i make excuses CONSTANTLY. whether it's why i'm late for work (overslept/commuting issues/general laziness) to the reasons i don't make my nightly workout (happy hour/exhaustion/general laziness) to the reasons why i order in chinese takeout once a week (no food in the house/exhaustion/general laziness). do you sense a theme here?

so i decided that for the next month - and longer since i will no longer going to have a reason not to - i'm going to live with no excuses. no more finding inane reasons to do things that i just may not "feel like" doing. so that means tomorrow i will be eating most of my meals at home and definitely making that 6:30pm hot yoga class, despite the fact that it's a billion degrees outside and napping is the best thing in the world.

this also means that i have no excuses not to say yes to go out drinking on a wednesday if i don't already have scheduled plans. unless it's in brooklyn, because there is no excuse for going there.

life! and introducing betsy's book club of one.

sorry it's been so quiet for the past few weeks, faithful readers (all four of you). i've just been super busy with many important things, like:

baltimore girls weekend

"but what's our ROI for lifting you up?" answer: shots

cool kids (though so are the others who are missing)

stop going on vacation and hang with me, food-giver.

BIG kitties at the bronx zoo

dumbo!

nothing says summer like sneaking in beers to yankee stadium

pre-pride america drinks!

40 oz to freedom.

so yeah, basically i've been boozing with friends for the past two weeks. and if i'm not doing that, i'm chilling with bud man so he doesn't try to eat me in my sleep. so that's the update on where i've been because it obviously hasn't been behind a keyboard writing to you.

when i first started this blog, i was going to work on some self-improvement, which i am still trying for, despite my total backslide on keeping a tidy apartment and running schedule. but i have been continuing to go to hot yoga and the last class i didn't have to sit down or stop ONCE so at least i have that going for me.

but, i shouldn't just be improving myself in the physical sense. my brain needs some work too - especially with all the drinking that i do. (see above photos for obvious evidence). so i've decided to get my brain some much needed boost this  summer - and rest of the year - with betsy's book club of one.

what is this "betsy's book club of one" you may be asking yourselves. well, it's basically me trying to read at least one book a month, and preferably something with a little bit of substance. think more franzen, less berenstain bears. and yes, i'm using the words "at least" in my description.

i have always loved reading, probably because it's in my blood. seriously, my mom (hi mom!) is a librarian. for real, her twitter handle is @lauralibrary16 (follow her! and me @yournewbff). i used to fall asleep as a child with a book perched upon my face. i read "ahead of grade level" about things that just started making sense to me a few years ago. but for some reason, i haven't had as much fervor for it lately as i had in the past. it's probably the fall out from taking last year to read the entire "song of ice and fire" series to date. those are the game of thrones books for all you who didn't know.

don't get me wrong, the books were amazing, but they are LONG. like thousands of pages. and detailed. with a million characters. reading them is a commitment. it took me 9 months to read all 5 books (i did squeeze a few others in there as well), but coming down from that can be rough. my brain needed some time to process all the conspiracy theories and ideas, so i just found myself diving back into the books a month or two ago. and it's been great.

i recently read and would recommend:

• yonahlossee riding camp for girls by anton discalfani: a coming of age story set during the depression. more scandalous that i was planning on, and i mean that in a good way
• sharp objects by gillian flynn: loved gone girl, so had to give her earlier stuff a try. super twisted and gave me a visceral reaction. if you're into thrillers that are fucked up, def read this one.
• six years by harlan coben: i heard that hugh jackman was going to play the lead in the movie version so naturally i had to read the source material. easy read with a good story basis. 
• the marriage plot by jeffrey eugenides: so i LOVED the virgin suicides but have never gotten past page 73 of middlesex, which apparently is blasphemy. i was heading out of town to visit family in alabama and needed a plane read, so when i saw this on the shelf at my local public library (have you joined yours yet?), i figured might as well give it a go. and guess what, it was super engulfing. don't get me wrong, there were some issues with the novel, but overall i was into it. and i felt well-read for the first time in a while.

so when i went to return the marriage plot and pick up my next novel, i noticed freedom by jonathan franzen sitting on the shelf.  just like middlesex, the corrections is a book that has plagued me with the pick up and put down syndrome. apparently it's the best book ever, but i haven't made it there yet. BUT, if leslie knope wants to discuss a book (season 3 "the fight" i.e. snake juice and bringer of this gem: http://drunkronswanson.com/) enough, it must be good enough for me too. so i picked it up and crossed my fingers. and again, it has so far been worth it.

so thus, i am going to take my goodreads list of books that i've always wanted to read and combine it with the "bests" books of the past few years lists that i always see and try to make a dent in them. and after i read each book, i'll come here and tell you my thoughts and feelings, as if i'm back in my old book club. and then if you have read the book too, you can comment and we can interact. cool? cool.

i'm still only 1/3rd of the way done with freedom, so this will be the july book. not sure what august is going to be, but there's a chance it'll be grapes of wrath by john steinbeck. it's on my book bucket list and there will be plenty of saturdays in central park for me to get going on it.

got recommendations? send them my way, i rarely turn a good book down. unless it's on top of my face when i'm too lazy to get out of bed to turn off the light.

hot stuff baby this evening

as i mentioned in my last post, i made my triumphant return to hot yoga this week. and by triumphant, i mean awkward, sweaty and not very graceful return.

i used to be an avid hot yoga fan when i lived in florida. i went at least once a week to this cute little studio in delray beach where the vibe was do what you can and be happy with yourself. and against most odds, i did and i was. in fact, i actually got kind of good. i could do standing head to knee in a 105 degree room without falling over. which let me tell you, is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. plus, i found this like weird, inner spirituality whatever thing, which is so not normally my style. seriously. my religious views on Facebook? "clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

so when i moved to nyc almost 3.5 years ago, i was eager to find a studio so i could continue to find my weekly release. however, i found NOTHING i liked. i go to hot yoga to find peace while getting fit, but i like the option to swig water if i feel like i'm going to pass out. call me old fashioned. i got flat out yelled at in one class, which definitely did not help me harness my inner chi. it left a bad taste in my mouth and i hadn't returned since. but lately i've been missing it.

when i saw a gilt city deal for two months of unlimited hot yoga right before i was heading into 3 days of pure debauchery at governor's ball, i immediately went to the yelp reviews for the studio to see if it would be a little more "hippie-like" of a studio so that i could take full advantage. luckily all the reviews seemed positive and mentioned how it was a great place for beginners to get used to bikram, which is exactly what i needed. combined with the fact that it's only a couple blocks up the street from my office, there was no way i was turning this deal down.

on wednesday i packed up my yogi towel, mat and sweat-proof clothes into my boys don't like funny girls tote and headed to work to proceed to drink about a gallon and a half of water. because if there is one thing you must do before going to hot yoga, it's HYDRATE. seriously, you're going to sweat out half your body weight. get some water up in that bitch. i planned to go to the 8pm class since i had read that the 6pm post work class can get really busy, and i figured some space for my first time back on the mat would be a good idea.

i arrived early to check in and sign my life away (if you die, you can't sue the studio. fun fact) and got ready to sweat my metaphorical balls off. the staff was nice enough to tell me a good spot for an almost beginner like me that would be near a window, which is not as warm as the center of the room, and mentioned that they are not yoga nazis and encourage people to hydrate if they need to.

i set up my mat and got down to shavasana (yep, had to google how to spell it), which i forgot how much i loved. any exercise that encourages you to lay on a mat with your wrists up and toes pointed out is okay by me. after 15 minutes of relaxing, class got going. there were actually a lot of beginners in my class and the teacher made sure to welcome us all and let us know our goal today was to acclimate to the heat and not leave the room. as for poses, do what you can, but don't worry about not being the best. drink water if you need to. lay down if you're over heated. just listen to your body. basically, everything i wanted to hear. love.

i wish i could say that full on muscle memory took over and i killed the class, but that would be a bold face lie. i struggled with a lot of poses that used to be easy for me (i.e. standing head to knee and rabbit pose) and couldn't even get my foot into my hands like i used to for some other poses. but it wasn't a total failure. i can still do triangle pose with the best of them. and while i did need to drink water often, i only laid down once when the heat got to be a bit much, which i think is totally a success considering the first time i ever did bikram i spent half the class laying on the ground. and no - i'm not just talking about the 13 poses you do on the floor. another perk of this studio? they have a beautiful outdoor space that they open up for students after class to cool down and enjoy the fresh air.

all in all, i consider it a successful first venture back into the world of bikram. i'm getting ready to head to my next class soon and can't wait until i'm back to my former one-legged standing status.

barefoot and boozed up

oh man. i don't think i can accurately put into words my hippie experience this last weekend at governor's ball.   but i will somehow try.

to give you some background, i have always identified as a halfway hippie. kind of into the whole mellow, music-loving,  non-shoe-wearing vibe, but i like showering, having a stable government and fine leather goods.


naturally, a music festival has always been on my list of things to do. but i don't think that i'm ready to go full on coachella or bonnaroo or basically anything that requires camping or people that are really dressed like this:

what is it with hippies and hula hoops?

which is why gov's ball was the natural fit: 3 days of music but located just 4 short miles from my cozy apartment. done and done.

if any of you live in the nyc area, and i think almost all of you do, you would know that friday was a monsoon in nyc. most people would've thought to themselves, well, i have 2 more days of show so stay home and dry and get ready for the next two days.

i am not most people. and luckily, neither is my dear friend silvia. we put on our festival gear and braved the extreme amount of rain and mud all three days. barefoot. i can honestly say that i have pretty much communed with nature at this point, and i'm okay with it. some pictures to prove my point:

ponchos and facepaint

day 1 & 2 feet for the most part

grumpy cat wasn't into the weather

day 3 with special guest star nicole. look at the ground. no grass.

day 3 feet. nicole wasn't going full hippie.

but i sure as hell did.

so yeah, it was three days of lots of food and LOTS of booze. i literally packed a fifth of vodka in my bra in my purse every day. so needless to say i am in need of a cleanse. which is why i'm heading to hot yoga for the first time in almost 4 years tonight. because i'm pretty sure it's the only thing right now that can possibly get the last of the booze and dirt out of my system. i'll be back tomorrow (since this post took me yesterday and today to write. my brain didn't work monday so i don't count that as a part of the process) to keep you posted on how my body reacted after so long away.

spoiler alert? probably not well.

i'll be missing you - kittie smalls edition

well friends, this is not going to be a super fun post, but i've got the sads today and i want to write about it to deal with it. you know, like a normal (eh, not really) person.

as you all know, i am a fan of the furry feline species. i have my very own purry pal buddy who lives with me here in nyc, plus i have four loves that live with my parents in florida that i spent plenty of time snuggling with from middle school through those couple of "boomerang" years after college.

unfortunately, it's been a bad week for connors' kitties. we sadly lost both little girl (grey tabby) and mopsy (black persian) in the past week, which to be honest, FUCKING SUCKS.

now don't get me wrong, we've kind of known for a while that things were not looking great. both had been getting skinnier, which is not common in my house. we like big kitties. more to love. so for the past year, every time i go back to florida, i say goodbye to all the cats as if i'll never see them again and feed them the milk from my cereal bowl one more time (sorry mom). but i never really thought that it would be our last snuggle. i tricked myself into thinking they would live for another year every time. and that's not grown up or realistic of me, but i don't care. i'd rather just live in the moment and then deal with it when the time comes.

so just like diddy misses biggie, i'm going to miss mops and girl - kittie smalls if you will. since i can't make an awesome music video to honor them, i encourage you to listen to the audio of diddy and faith's words (substitute snuggles for the making love, because that's just GROSS guys) while looking at some of my favorite pics of my loves.

mops napping on my books because she had to be on you.

i really wanted little girl to be a cash cat. like REAL bad.

whatcha lookin' at punk?

her favorite spot in the world was wherever you were sitting on the couch

her "judging you" face.

in addition to hugging buddy extra hard tonight, i'm also pouring one out for my fallen homies. it's what they would want. 

sweating it out.

it's officially summer. how do i know? because i have my first set of awkward tan lines, acquired from a particularly lovely day on long beach, LI.

but that's not what i came here to tell you about.

no friends, i came here today to write to you about starting my couch to 5k program, which is going to help me complete my rad color run on july 21st.

ryan, i'm doing this for you.

last night i packed up my gym bag, which happens to display one of my favorite gilmore girls quotes:

if they did, then i'd be wifed up a million times by now.

and i was all resolute about getting back on that treadmill. because while i didn't get to last week due to busy times at the office. and when work is busy, you know what that means.

you know it, sweet brown.

so i went to sleep with my AC blasting and buddy snuggled up in my side to wake up this morning with a cough that reminds me of a 70 year old woman who smokes 3 packs a day and a sore throat to accompany it. swell.

normally, i'd take this as a hint to grab some wonton soup, a vat of orange juice and lay on the couch for the rest of the week. instead, this time i'm going to try and sweat it out at the gym, and release the toxins or what have you.

i used to actually do this when i used to do hot yoga. yes, i did hot yoga on the regular for a while when i was still living in florida. i just haven't found a studio that i liked here in nyc so it kind of dropped off the mat. the mat, get it? like a yoga mat? i'm FUNNY.

back to the matter at hand: whenever i had a cold, i would sign up for a hot yoga class that day and literally feel the sweat cleansing me. so why couldn't some gym time do the same? i'm not going to go all crazy and try to run when my lungs feel like they are a quarter-tank full. plus, i think part of the reason that hot yoga worked was because i also really enjoyed the class. and let's be honest, i don't really enjoy running.

dead on, ann perkins.

what do i enjoy? shaking my shit. so thus, i am attempting to head to zumba to try and sweat and shake this bug out before it implants itself into my life this week. because governor's ball is this weekend and i need to be on my A game so that i can get my borderline-hippie experience that i've been dreaming about for years.

the death of a dream. or, smell ya later, regularly scheduled blog posts

so if you're reading this today, it means that you probably came looking for my weekly manic monday post. instead, you find out that i am giving up my weekly scheduled posts. damn, i'm a buzzkill.

it's not that i am going to stop blogging, so ease your worried minds. i'm also not going to stop setting goals for myself, the original reason for this blog. i'm just merely not going to set a day to write these things down.

the reason i started this blog was to make myself write more because i love writing. well, when i'm not overanalyzing and judging my own work. but i've realized that i started dreading getting to my "required" posts and i enjoyed more just writing about what i was working towards. since i am a "grown woman, i can do whatever i want."



listen to it. magic, kids. pure vocal magic.

anyway, i have decided that i'm just going to work on writing about my goals as they come and go. no set timeline to finish. just all the feels and the funnies. less of a weekly scheduled time.

which for this week is FINALLY getting back into the workout space. having been cleared to work out after what seems like forever, i'm going to make it back to both the volleyball court (two games, y'all) and the gym (treadmill and trudog). once i get through this week of getting back in to the swing of things and hopefully not dying, i'm starting couch to 5k next week to get ready for my color run in about 8 weeks in the hopes that i can "jog" (i use the term lightly) the entire race.

so mourn the manic for today, but then get ready for a SUPER fun time with my somewhat topical rants about how much working out kind of sucks and general things that need to be discussed.

such as batshit crazy courtney love telling amanda bynes to pull it together. because if courtney love thinks you have issues, it's time to examine your life. am i right? 

yes, i am 100% right.

sunday showdown: peace of mind.

there is nothing like a bit of time away to give a girl some perspective. last week's plan was to just get through the week, and it's exactly what i did.

results? glorious.

while i am still exhausted from too many late night drinks and early morning flights, the time spent with my family was exactly what i needed to get perspective on my life. i'm not going to go into too much detail because it's a) boring and b) i'm busy live tweeting the disastrous finale of smash. why anyone could like that insufferable karen cartwright is beyond me.

just be prepared for project improve betsy to be back tomorrow in full force.

manic monday: just keep swimming (not literally)

for the past few weeks, i haven't done much on the weekend, and yet i'm still exhausted when i get to work on a monday.

i'm trying to get to bed earlier and rise and shine appropriately but nothing seems to be working. not even waking up to this snuggle buddy makes the morning easy.

basically, i feel like the walking dead on a daily basis right now. and i keep thinking that i will make up the sleep during the week, but i forget that i'm a total social butterfly (picture me as shosh from girls) and that i have things planned almost every night. and then on the nights when i do get to go home in time, i watch all the TV that i missed and then i am suddenly awake and unable to calm down.

the first half of the week this week is not doing me any favors. in addition to work, i have dinner plans with VERY important people (my dad and my dear friend rachel for her birthday) for the next three nights. THEN i have a 6am flight on Thursday morning to go down to Birmingham for a family visit. it's just.so.much.

so this week, my goal is just to make it to vacation without flipping out and crying. just keep swimming and it'll all be okay. i'll get some sleep, some family and some happiness. i will not be a ms. grumpy pants, guys. i can do it.

sunday showdown: princess and the pee

i'm pretty sure that the title of this post says it all.

this week was extremely successful in mission hydration. i have spent the past week running to the bathroom every hour to pee straight up clear liquid. i also think my skin is clearer and i'm less hungry so i'd really take that as a twofer, you know?


i was going to have the twofer introduction from 30 rock to go with that, but i love tracy jordan correcting him too much to not use the above clip. sue me.

anyway, while i was going through this week, i remembered why i used to try so hard to stay hydrated. call me crazy - "you crazy girl!" - but it actually makes me feel like i am flushing out all the bad juju in my system. and sadly, that pun wasn't even on purpose.

i really don't have much more to say today so i'm just going to call it and finish watching game of thrones. this week, melisandre takes s&m to a whole new level by introducing leeches. if someone was to leech me, i think all they'd get right now is water. suckkaaaaaas.

i'm still 13 years old at heart.

i bought 8 tickets to see BSB in august today via groupon and i'm not even a TINY bit sorry about it.

i'm celebrating by listening to this megamix and you should too. happy weekend kids.

goodbye old friends: a farewell to dunder mifflin.

this is going to be extremely hard and and pretty long. that's what she said.

finally, something that has to do with the dirty jokes aspect of this blog.

anyway, tonight is the series finale of the office and i can't believe it's ending so soon.



i have been watching this show since the writer's strike when i literally watched the first three seasons and all that was available in the fourth season in a week. ONE WEEK. that's how into this show i was. and then i waited - not so patiently - for the show to come back on the air. and when it did, i was not disappointed.

now don't get me wrong, the show has had its misses, most of them in the past season or two, but overall, it's been hilarious and heartfelt and has given so much to the pop culture landscape. i mean, the theme song is my ring tone, people.

so in honor of my last day with the dunder mifflin family, i am sharing with you a few of my favorite things about the show.

obvi, we have to start with that's what she said. because, there is no michael scott without #twss



then there are the constant pranks:



and finally, i leave you with my favorite person: jim halpert. he has probably ruined me on love with everything he went for to get pam. last week's episode pulled together a lot of my favorite moments.


sadly, most guys aren't like jim. i said most, guys. so hopefully there is a dude out there who will prove me wrong.

so tonight i will be watching, live tweeting and crying during the retrospective and the final episode tonight. so in closing, i'll leave you with the cast goodbyes:

straight up blogging #shame

yeah, so this wasn't exactly what i would call a banner week in the betsy blogging experiment. not only have i not blogged since last monday, but i did three things i am not proud of.

1. i missed my first sunday showdown
2. it didn't matter, because i barely met any goals.
3. i bought soy cheese

personally, i find the third the most offensive in the scheme of betsy-verse (my universe, duh), but the rest ain't to great either, yo.

and you know what, i don't even have a good excuse. and as much as i'd like to enact my 2013 motto of "sorry i'm not sorry," i actually am sorry. i took on this project to actively make a change in my life and i'm letting myself down. in more ways that one. 

don't get me wrong, i love myself. possibly a little too much if you ask some people. but whatever. for the most part, i am great. however, it's been a rough month for a few reasons that i will choose not to share with you here. just know that unlike momma rose, not everything is coming up betsy right now. which is okay. that's how you evolve as a person, or whatever.

the problem is that i happen to lack this thing called "patience."so i want things to change immediately, which is not realistic or feasible right now. and instead of continuing to believe in the system and continuing to take the steps to make changes, i'm letting it get me down. and frankly, it's not okay. 

now don't get me wrong, i don't have the blues and definitely not the reds (breakfast at tiffany's shout out!). i'm just not as new-puppy-first-day-home-with-a-family as i have been before. 

i mean, this is what i did last week, so things aren't all that bad:

snuggling with buddy, the destruction cat. new talent? he can open my medicine cabinet.

sangria. drink of the gods.

this city, man.

a beautiful show that i got to see with a beautiful friend of mine - hi pats!

iconic.

so, now that you can clearly see that i am not on the ledge, i'm going to take this week and focus on an extremely easy task: drink more water.

now, most of you are probably thinking, umm, b you are practically a fish because of how much water you drink. and that used to be true, but in the past week or two, i've been substituting wine for water. while delicious, it's probably not the best for my liver, kidneys or waistline. so the goal this week is to simply drink at least 4 containers of my brand new, lime green nalgene every day. including weekends, where typically the wine swap happens. 

don't get me wrong, there will still be wine. there will ALWAYS be wine. but this week, there will simply be more water.

let's see if when i pee excessively (not TMI guys. it's a truth) this week if i can also flush out all the other toxins that  i'm letting seep into my optimism so i can get back to myself.

shit, that actually sounded deep. +1 for this week already.

manic monday: lather, rinse, repeat.

so i didn't want to not post something for manic monday, because that would defeat the purpose of the post. as well a the alliteration. manic tuesday just doesn't work for me. sorry.

anyway, i really haven't put a lot of thought into something new that i want to work on this week due to a pretty busy day today and a day of no thinking yesterday. so i am dubbing this week a redo. on basically everything i've tried to do to date: clean my house, go to bed early, be at work on time and give up dairy.

i've been trying to keep up with it, but might as well take a week to remind myself that just because i'm moving forward does not mean that i should slide back in other ways.

and on that note, it's just about my bed time. more later this week, friends!

sunday showdown: not what i expected to learn.

so, i learned like a huge lesson this week, but it was not related to my dairy-free existence. which was pretty easy by the way. probably because of the whole nausea thing that lasted all week.

related, i've also hit my turkey burger limit for the year.

anyway, so the big lesson that i learned? i actually do have maternal instincts. and yes, i'll provide ample explanation.

so, as you all have seen, i am the proud owner of a handsome kitty, buddy. 

every breath you take, i'll be watching you, girl. 

thanks for providing the comfy nap spot

this past week, he has been a bit of what i call a rascal. and unfortunately, it caused for some sleepless nights and extra fretting for me.

to give you some background, i previously chalked up my mom potential to the fact that i put my arm out to protect my purse from flying when i slammed on the breaks in my car. so needless to say, when i woke up at 2am friday morning to the sound of my purr-baby puking, i was a bit concerned.

now, i know that cats throw-up. but since i didn't want to wait until the morning to clean it up, i hustled out of bed to take care of it. however, what i saw was not a normal hairball. in fact, it was a bunch of elastics. it turns out buddy has been systematically eating each one of my hairties, which he got from knocking over the mason glass that holds them and dragging them out with his paws. i'm sure you can all understand that this is not on the recommended diet for kitties.  so naturally, i freaked.

i picked up the vom, threw it away, then picked up my cat and took him to bed with me. he curled up and i proceeded to stare at him for 30 minutes to make sure he was breathing (he was) and then googled bowel obstructions in cats to find out if i needed to rush him into emergency surgery. i finally fell asleep and decided that i would figure out after seeing his behavior in the morning to decide what my next steps were.

i still woke up to a purry kitten who head butted me for 20 minutes to get me out of bed 40 minutes before my alarm went off, but he didn't bound out to his food like i wanted him too. however, given that he pooped - important information, guys - and did eat, i went to work and spent the entire day trying to google different ways to make sure he was alive. 

i came home to an empty food bowl and a playful kitty, so we were out of the woods. i moved all my elastics to a drawer and called it a day.

and then yesterday happened. i was getting ready for a fun-filled day at the new yorker's passport to the arts and couldn't deal with my allergies for the day. so i got out my trusty zyrtec to take care of the job. in the 5 seconds that the pill was sitting on the counter while i picked up my water glass, my friend buddy managed to ingest it. apparently, much like his mom, he'll eat most anything. 

again, i freaked the fuck out and tried to capture him so i could force him to puke. but he is small and fast and can hide under my bed. i called my mom (thanks for talking me down) and then the vet, where i talked to a receptionist who was like umm, watch him for a while. not enough information people!

then i was reminded that i have a very dear friend who is a vet. uh duh! so i texted her and she reassured me that ONE pill was not going to hurt him. in fact, it's actually prescribed to animals his size in some cases. cue a slight breath of relief on my end.

especially because i had a full day planned that included some art galleris and lots for rooftops and the following:

priorities.

photo booth gif-set love with silvia. 

i managed to make most of the day without truly believing that buddy was dying, but i took every chance i got to tell my friends that my cat could be dead at home. tons of fun, i know.

since the drinking started early, i was in a cab on my way home around 11pm and i walked into a destroyed role of toilet paper, an empty food bowl and a full litter box. needless to say, he was back to normal. and him waking me up at 7am this morning wanting food just made it more so obvious.

but, despite the fact that i did leave him to get my culture (and drink) on, i did showcase more care and forethought than i thought i had. i even started using my forceful voice more to keep him from getting on top of the fridge. and you know what, it doesn't make him hate me for enforcing the rules.

yep, that's him curled up on me.

the responsible thing to do would have been to lock up my potentially edible goods a while ago, but i'm a work in progress. you all know that. it's why you're reading. uh duh.