the death of a dream. or, smell ya later, regularly scheduled blog posts

so if you're reading this today, it means that you probably came looking for my weekly manic monday post. instead, you find out that i am giving up my weekly scheduled posts. damn, i'm a buzzkill.

it's not that i am going to stop blogging, so ease your worried minds. i'm also not going to stop setting goals for myself, the original reason for this blog. i'm just merely not going to set a day to write these things down.

the reason i started this blog was to make myself write more because i love writing. well, when i'm not overanalyzing and judging my own work. but i've realized that i started dreading getting to my "required" posts and i enjoyed more just writing about what i was working towards. since i am a "grown woman, i can do whatever i want."



listen to it. magic, kids. pure vocal magic.

anyway, i have decided that i'm just going to work on writing about my goals as they come and go. no set timeline to finish. just all the feels and the funnies. less of a weekly scheduled time.

which for this week is FINALLY getting back into the workout space. having been cleared to work out after what seems like forever, i'm going to make it back to both the volleyball court (two games, y'all) and the gym (treadmill and trudog). once i get through this week of getting back in to the swing of things and hopefully not dying, i'm starting couch to 5k next week to get ready for my color run in about 8 weeks in the hopes that i can "jog" (i use the term lightly) the entire race.

so mourn the manic for today, but then get ready for a SUPER fun time with my somewhat topical rants about how much working out kind of sucks and general things that need to be discussed.

such as batshit crazy courtney love telling amanda bynes to pull it together. because if courtney love thinks you have issues, it's time to examine your life. am i right? 

yes, i am 100% right.

manic monday: just keep swimming (not literally)

for the past few weeks, i haven't done much on the weekend, and yet i'm still exhausted when i get to work on a monday.

i'm trying to get to bed earlier and rise and shine appropriately but nothing seems to be working. not even waking up to this snuggle buddy makes the morning easy.

basically, i feel like the walking dead on a daily basis right now. and i keep thinking that i will make up the sleep during the week, but i forget that i'm a total social butterfly (picture me as shosh from girls) and that i have things planned almost every night. and then on the nights when i do get to go home in time, i watch all the TV that i missed and then i am suddenly awake and unable to calm down.

the first half of the week this week is not doing me any favors. in addition to work, i have dinner plans with VERY important people (my dad and my dear friend rachel for her birthday) for the next three nights. THEN i have a 6am flight on Thursday morning to go down to Birmingham for a family visit. it's just.so.much.

so this week, my goal is just to make it to vacation without flipping out and crying. just keep swimming and it'll all be okay. i'll get some sleep, some family and some happiness. i will not be a ms. grumpy pants, guys. i can do it.

straight up blogging #shame

yeah, so this wasn't exactly what i would call a banner week in the betsy blogging experiment. not only have i not blogged since last monday, but i did three things i am not proud of.

1. i missed my first sunday showdown
2. it didn't matter, because i barely met any goals.
3. i bought soy cheese

personally, i find the third the most offensive in the scheme of betsy-verse (my universe, duh), but the rest ain't to great either, yo.

and you know what, i don't even have a good excuse. and as much as i'd like to enact my 2013 motto of "sorry i'm not sorry," i actually am sorry. i took on this project to actively make a change in my life and i'm letting myself down. in more ways that one. 

don't get me wrong, i love myself. possibly a little too much if you ask some people. but whatever. for the most part, i am great. however, it's been a rough month for a few reasons that i will choose not to share with you here. just know that unlike momma rose, not everything is coming up betsy right now. which is okay. that's how you evolve as a person, or whatever.

the problem is that i happen to lack this thing called "patience."so i want things to change immediately, which is not realistic or feasible right now. and instead of continuing to believe in the system and continuing to take the steps to make changes, i'm letting it get me down. and frankly, it's not okay. 

now don't get me wrong, i don't have the blues and definitely not the reds (breakfast at tiffany's shout out!). i'm just not as new-puppy-first-day-home-with-a-family as i have been before. 

i mean, this is what i did last week, so things aren't all that bad:

snuggling with buddy, the destruction cat. new talent? he can open my medicine cabinet.

sangria. drink of the gods.

this city, man.

a beautiful show that i got to see with a beautiful friend of mine - hi pats!

iconic.

so, now that you can clearly see that i am not on the ledge, i'm going to take this week and focus on an extremely easy task: drink more water.

now, most of you are probably thinking, umm, b you are practically a fish because of how much water you drink. and that used to be true, but in the past week or two, i've been substituting wine for water. while delicious, it's probably not the best for my liver, kidneys or waistline. so the goal this week is to simply drink at least 4 containers of my brand new, lime green nalgene every day. including weekends, where typically the wine swap happens. 

don't get me wrong, there will still be wine. there will ALWAYS be wine. but this week, there will simply be more water.

let's see if when i pee excessively (not TMI guys. it's a truth) this week if i can also flush out all the other toxins that  i'm letting seep into my optimism so i can get back to myself.

shit, that actually sounded deep. +1 for this week already.

manic monday: lather, rinse, repeat.

so i didn't want to not post something for manic monday, because that would defeat the purpose of the post. as well a the alliteration. manic tuesday just doesn't work for me. sorry.

anyway, i really haven't put a lot of thought into something new that i want to work on this week due to a pretty busy day today and a day of no thinking yesterday. so i am dubbing this week a redo. on basically everything i've tried to do to date: clean my house, go to bed early, be at work on time and give up dairy.

i've been trying to keep up with it, but might as well take a week to remind myself that just because i'm moving forward does not mean that i should slide back in other ways.

and on that note, it's just about my bed time. more later this week, friends!

manic monday: no cheese please?

before we get into this week's regularly scheduled programming, i'd like to say that i went to soul cycle this morning and i didn't want to die. it was more intense than the last ride i took - we did the weight section out of the saddle - and yet i didn't scream for the fan nor quit. i still can't "tap it back" or do the pushups on time, but i'm getting there. 

also, i'm pretty sure the showers there are nicer than mine at home:

products in my favorite color.

rain-like shower? yes please.

the reason that i woke up at an ungodly time to go to soul-cycle? because it was my "last chance workout" for the next few weeks. why, do you ask? well, because i am a paley (you've seen the pictures. you know i'm not lying.) and guess what happens to paleys? they get moles that have a chance to turn into cancer. and guess what? i'm that paley that gets those moles. 

i'm especially vigilant, an avid sunscreen wearer and i see the dermatologist every 3-6 months to get a full body scan. but between my family history and the fact that i freckle faster than a banana, i am constantly forking over my money to have my skin sliced and diced. and unfortunately for this week, it was my leg's turn.

ignore the giant feet and focus on the nice pedicure and the bandage around my stitches.

buddy doesn't understand seltzer. so he attacks it.

he is very good at checking i on me in between naps.

and in order to heal okay, it means that i need to stay off of it for the next few weeks. which means no working out. which means that my goal of running without stopping is on hold for the mean time. which means that i need to something else in order to stay on my path to health. 

which sadly means, for this week's manic monday, i'm going to work on ridding dairy from my diet. 

i'm not sure if i've mentioned this here before, but i fucking love cheese. i'm pretty sure i have it at almost every meal. it's always in my fridge and always on my mind. basically, i'm always working on my night cheese.

however, it messes with my stomach and i have a problem saying no to it. so i'm going to try and rid it. i'm not going to go all cold turkey, but i am limiting myself to one bit of dairy a day. and most days, it's going to be in my coffee in the form of milk. so yeah, this one is going to be hard.

don't worry though, i sent myself off in style with an awesome cheese plate and a caprese salad yesterday. a last hurrah of sorts before i take control of my gastrointestinal destiny. 

yep, that sounds as weird as i thought it would.

manic monday: sleepyhead

ahhh chub rub. welcome back to my thighs. while i was ready for amendment 2b weather (the right to bare legs), i was not ready to see you again. 

but i digress.

this week's manic monday came to me in a dream. well, not really, but kind of.

this may come as a surprise to you, but i put relatively zero forethought into what i'm going to work on each week. i basically think about it all day sunday and try to figure out what i think is the least taxing and the most feasible for me to actually accomplish. then i go to bed and forget everything and make a decision on my commute to work.

to which i arrived on time today.

anyway, i played in a volleyball tournament all day yesterday, as i am wont to do, and was exhausted so once game of thrones was over (this episode lives up  to the crazy of a storm of swords. everything happens in that book guys. EVERYTHING), i skipped watching mad men live (second week in a row. oh well) and crawled into bed around 10:15. i put the TV timer on and barely heard it before heading off into oblivion. 



listen to this mashup. it's magic. even for sleepyheads like me.

i was so tired last night, i don't even think that my snuggle buddy buddy woke me up. which is basically the first time that's happened since i brought him home. i woke up happy and refreshed and ready to start the week. well, as much as i can be before coffee on a monday fucking morning.

so thus, i have decided that this week that i'm going to make a conscious effort to get to bed at an earlier time on school nights. in fact, i need to be in bed by 10:30pm. i don't necessarily need to fall asleep at that time, but personal electronics and lights need to be turned off. 

this may not seem hard to most of you, but it is for me. scandal is all new this week and i NEEDS to know what's going on with olivia pope and co this week, y'all. 

manic monday: i'm not always there when you call, but i'm always on time...

so here we are again, for another week of "self improvement" or whatever. i'm super pumped. aren't you?

you are? really? for serious? oh, cool. great. thanks.

as i explained yesterday, i am definitely not done getting all the clutter out of my tiny apartment (how i manage to get that much shit into it truly boggles my mind) so that is still on the list of things to accomplish this week. we're (err, i'm) having cocktails to celebrate as soon as it's done.

but, this week's official manic monday is actually going to be dedicated to something super easy you'll actually be surprised that it's gotten to be so damn hard for me to do. this week, i'm going to remember how to...drum roll... get to work on time!

yep, apparently basic human functions such as getting out of bed on time is impossible for me. and i'm still not emotionally stable enough to try and take on the snooze button battle yet. i mean, my morning alarms look like this: 

yeah, even buddy pouncing on my face and eating my hair doesn't get me out of bed. i just pull the covers over my head and tell him momma needs a minute.

that feeling, combined with a love of matt lauer (i don't care what the press is saying about you matty, i think you're swell), means that i can't get out the door on time anymore. and while no one i report to is a clock watcher and i regularly work through lunch and much past the suggested quitting time and get my job done, i still think it'd be nice to start my day fresh instead of racing through the door. so thus, my goal is to arrive promptly every day this week. that way the prisses can stop looking down at me because i'ma beat them to work this week. and thus i can look down on them. 

it may be difficult, since i have already signed on for not one, but TWO morning workouts this week, but dammit i will try!

finally, today truly is manic due to the horrific event that happened at the boston marathon. while i am not a runner yet, nor do i ever think that i will be a marathoner, it hurts my soul to think that there are people in the world who would choose such an uplifting and inspiring event to cause destruction. i have literally spent the last 15 minutes following coverage and wiping tears from my eyes. one of my favorite people, meri g, is there watching friends complete their huge accomplishment and thank goodness is okay. but no one should have to deal with such heartbreak on a day that is so intrinsically about overcoming odds and banding together to accomplish something. 

my thoughts are with you, bean town. 

manic monday: cleaning out the clutter

first and foremost: today was the first day of what i'm deciding to call "white wine weather." which means it finally felt like spring! i obviously decided to celebrate and got carded buying my $10 of sauv blanc. so basically, today is the best day ever.

alright, here's the first installment of me trying to do things via manic mondays. oooooooooh, ahhhhhhhhh. 

clear out the clutter:
so originally, the first week's mini goal was to stop hitting my snooze button every morning. but that was thrown out the window when i snoozed not once, not twice, but FOUR times this morning. it felt fucking fantastic, people, so i figured, let's wait until i have some momentum to try and tackle that decades long habit. 

as i woke up from my haze and rushed around this morning, i realized what that this is finally the chance to do what i have been claiming to have done for weeks: clean up the clutter of my apartment and "get my life in order." 

i have NEVER been a good housekeeper. as a kid i had piles around my room that contained everything i owned. clothes, books, lots of backstreet boys cds. you know the essentials. i have sort of made my ways better when i had roommates, but moreso in a shared space like a kitchen or living room. my room has always been what has been so lovingly called a "disaster zone," and now that i live alone, the whole apartment is really fair game. and it's bad.

so while it's mostly okay with me, i recently acquired a new roommate that the clutter makes things difficult for: my new furry friend buddy.

he's basically the cutest thing that ever existed. he's also a typical, bad-behaving kitten, and i wouldn't have it any other way:

but, this means that anything left out, on the floor even on the counter is fair game to him. i found litter in my shoes that were left near the bathroom where his box is. he picked up my underwear personal clothing item that was on the floor and hid them under my bed. he ate the casings to turkey sausage out of the garbage. while he managed to come through that all unscathed, i figure it wouldn't hurt me to start taking care of my life.

the plan is to take an hour each day and tackle a room and get rid of all trash, put as much as i can away and throw away what i don't need.

the throwing away things will be hard. i'm a big fan of holding onto back issues of magazines in case i ever need a recipe for quinoa again. did i see a show with you and did we get playbills? i've kept it. did i wear that shirt once for a halloween costume? still in my drawer. so not only am i doing the easy cleans, but i'm also going to actually purge a lot of stuff that i don't use anymore or don't wear anymore. and guess what? i LOVE stuff. this stuff is not going to go quietly into that dark night.

how do we know i'm serious about this? well, i made a pretty cool purchase today, guys.

yep, i got myself a hand vacuum, so that i can like REALLY clean. my mother, who i know is reading this even though she will lie to me and tell me she isn't for the sake of "boundaries," is super proud of me.

i'm obviously going to start off by cleaning off my wine glass and then filling it up, before tackling the kitchen. because a glass in the hand is worth 2 in the bottle.