Tuesday, April 9, 2013

alright nike, your move.

for the first time in months, i dragged my ass to zumba class after work today. in case you have been living under a rock, zumba is a latin dance inspired work out class where you sweat profusely while doing moves that are really best performed when you are home alone in your underwear and no one but your cat can judge you. you're supposed to feel sexy and empowered. yep, nothing says "come and get it" like sweat dripping down your asscrack while you wipe your hair off your face and grind on an invisible pole at the same time. 

anyway, the class actually is a pretty kickass work out, but i kept wondering HOW great it really is. like, could i measure it? and not in the worked out for 45 minutes quantitative idea, but in a qualitative (big, fancy research words i learned in a little thing i call "college") way that people actually understand. what happened next? i basically had the most brilliant idea ever, not to exaggerate or anything.

you know how nike has it's runkeeper thing? that tracks your mileage and time for runs based on your shoes and your phone? that smug, skinny bitches post to their facebook pages that i see while inhaling a bag of natural cheetos white cheddar puffs? (if you don't know what those are, you are missing out. they are basically the perfect food-type substance.)

off topic - sorry, back to the original thought. what if they created an app that shows how much you danced, but in real time results? like, betsy danced like britney spears in 2002 tonight. or if this was a club, betsy would have shut that shit DOWN tonight. or, in all reality, if betsy was in a dance battle tonight, she would get to yell at someone, "grab a napkin, homie. you just got served!" basically, it would allow other people to know that you brought it on the dance floor, which is equally as admirable as running 4 miles in 30 minutes. fast fucks.

this could also be used for other kinds of workouts, like betsy just cycled so hard lance armstrong needed to juice to got that far! or betsy just kickboxed so hard they're creating a character for her in mortal combat! or betsy bended so well in yoga that snyder's is naming a pretzel after her! you get the idea. 

basically what i'm saying is: your move, nike.

p.s. do you think if they DID make my ideas true, i could get a cut of the money? no, probably not, right? what about free pretzels, because that is equally appealing.

1 comment:

  1. Love the app idea. I'm in. I'd pay $0.99 for that in a heartbeat. Genius!